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Don't worry, I'm not a Satanist or something.
Neither am I really a Christian.

I actually got my own morals and still learn from people I have a good feeling of. Such wonderful people are hard to find these days, though.

I guess that I already started to make my own thoughts about my religion (which is Mormon, I dislike it!) when I was a kid.
When we had Sunday school at the church, I was often the only kid that asked exactly the questions nobody could answer and said things that made everybody want me to shut the hell up, because it started to question their belief.

You know, some people don't have an own life, they sell their soul to god, for free. So when you make them doubt their belief, they'll simply hate you your whole life.
I got many people which hate me!
My family is part of it too, when it comes to beliefs...

You want to know about the questions I asked?
Okay, lemme give you an example.

Teacher: "We're all children of God"
(So my parents are brother and sister. OKAY!)
Me: "Does this mean, Virgin Mary is also God's daughter?"
Teacher: "Of course."
Me: "So God made his own daughter pregnant?"
Embarrassing silence. Not for me.
Teacher: "He didn't do it physically!"
Me: "Ah, okay."
Teacher: "He needed a nice, good woman who was able to carry his holy son to term."
Me: "Did he ask her first, at least?"
(I'd get pissed if I woke up one morning and some stupid angel tells me that I'm pregnant!)
Teacher: "...he sure did!"
Me: "Speaking of Jesus, what kind of family part is he in our eyes? His father is god, our father, but his mother is our sister. So what is Jesus to us? He can't be our brother... nor uncle... or something."
Teacher: "Uhhh..."
Me: "Does God's wife know about that, anyway?"
Teacher: "Know what?"
Me: "I mean, did his wife know that God made a different woman pregnant than her?"
Teacher: "Uhhh......."
Me: "He does have a wife, doesn't he? Why did he never tell us more information about her? Does he have a lot of secondary wifes and doesn't want us to know because he'll lose the female part of his army because they're dissapointed then? Why (the hell) are there no female heroes in the bible? Is God misogynist (a woman-hater) that he never chose a female prophet? (Here I also asked about other things no women are allowed to do; being a bishop, giving blessings to the sick or dying, being an apostle, adviser, ETC. Just anything...)
Does God only want the women to give birth to his children? And too cook and cleaning up the house of the family? Nothing more? Mothers can do so much, why aren't they allowed to give a blessing to those who badly need one? So if a mother is alone, and he child is very sick, she can't do anything about it? Why?..."
Teacher: "Judith, you know what? When you meet God, you can ask him all of those questions and I'm sure he'll give you answers."
Me: "..."
I looked around to all the people in the room. Then looked back at the teacher.
Me: "How can you follow a religion so strongly and spending your whole life with it without even knowing anything important about it?"
Teacher: "I trust God."
Me: "Have you ever met him?"
Teacher: "No. But..."
Me: "Why do you trust a stranger?"
Teacher: "He is NOT a stranger, kid!"
Me: "You never know... and you don't even know his name. Besides..."
Teacher: "Would you please get out for a moment so that we can continue our lesson?"
Me: ".........okay."

And I didn't return.

Years later, I completely stopped going to the church. Man, that little war between me and my family took long, almost a whole year, every sunday I said No! I don't wanna go to church! God gave us the freedom of decision, didn't he? And I say I don't wanna go! And they said Right! But this is not church, this is family! Now you'll come with us, or else...!

Church became just boring. They talk about the same stuff, the same stories (or different stories, but with the same moral), but don't even know about anything else that might be important. They ignore other things in the world that are facts, and not just bible stories.


My God is female, I call her Mother Nature. You meet her everyday, she gives you food, and you can also see how sick she became from mankind... now tell me what's wrong about my belief.


I know, every Christian will hate me for that I made a journal entry like that. But I don't care. Anymore.

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